Hitchhiker's Guide

Throughout the Universe, one book has remained a best seller for longer than any other book. This book is the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. The popularity of The Guide is nothing short of extraordinarily. It dominates the chart, standing heads above the famous autobiography 'Integra Hellsing: Why I'm Better Than You' in terms of sales while managing to be vastly more useful than 'Turning Yourself Into a Catgirl For Dummies'.

The Guide's Entry on The Multiverse is a rather interesting one:

The Multiverse is a land that is reminiscent of if you took all the fan fictions ever written that /did not/ feature yaoi scenes (Which is only about 20% of them), and stuck them all in a blender, chances are you would wind up with a world much like Rei Ayanami. That is to say, a world that is very messed up and confused as to what it is, and also emo.. very emo.

The first thing that should be noted upon entering the Multiverse, is the warning that is printed on every Guide.

DO NOT PANIC!

That is right, no matter what you encounter in the Universe it is vital that you maintain a calm, collected outward appearance so as not to frighten the locals and get blasted by an errant eye beam or fist laser. Another useful tip is to always look up, as large-scale Mechanomen are fairly commonplace, and you would do well to avoid ending up under the footfalls of one such Bionical Lifeform. Enclosed in this article, as written by one of our field Agents named Psyber, are a few tips to help you survive.

Economy

The ingame currency, while not physically palpable or measurable on characters, is what's referred to simply as a credit. It's a nondescript currency that usually equates to a 1:1 radio with the US Dollar. However, because it's not a physical object and no one gets actual paystubs at the end of the week, it's basically an 'honor system' as to how much the money is really worth. This, of course, leads to a godawful amount of inflation and people just pretty much making up a number that they think sounds lofty and slapping that onto a piece of paper labeled 'Personal Assets'. This, of course, leads to many a pissing match when it comes time to use credits to bid on things. Notable examples were the time I was forced to pay 6,405,323 credits for a Tuna sandwich, or the time people were bidding upwards of a billion dollars just to date the character that they thought was the soulmate of their character. Or maybe Multiverse guys are just so lonely that a single bit of interaction with a female is worth 1.4 billion credits. All I know is that inflation is high in the Multiverse, but I won't go into any more detail since I have to conserve this pen, seeing as they are 2.2 million dollars a pop.

Combat

The Multiverse has a very distinctive forms of combat. The first is what's called a 'coded attack system, which bears the lovely nickname 'How the FUCK did I miss you three times in a row when I have 10 skill and you have one evasion?!'. This system allows players to pose an attack, then rate their attack on a scale of 1 to 5, with most attacks falling at 3. The lovely thing about this system is it allows players to set stats that are realistic to their character type parameters, and then roleplay it out to see who's stats work better. This is completely awesome, if not for the fact that most of the people tend to try to find that perfect balance of min/max for their stats to be completely awesome, as opposed to actually setting stats to reflect their character's true abilities.

Channels and Chatting

One of the key staples of The Multiverse is its wide array of channels for diverse and varied uses. As an Agent of the Guide, I was given a special radio and allowed access to all these channels for the purposes of research. The first thing I discovered is that there are QUITE a few channels. So, as a helpful Guide to you travelers out there in the Universe, I've done a few key highlights of the channels to know and watch.

  • E-Char Discussion - This is a nice channel that people use to talk about how sexy their future alt is going to be.
  • Fandom - This is a channel designed for talking about how sexy your favorite character is.
  • Guest - This is a channel for fresh travelers to come and see how they like it here before they're allowed to see the other channels.
  • IC-Broadband - This is for characters of both factions to ICly come together and talk about how sexy they are with eachother.
  • Longwinded Tirades - This channel is designed for people that REALLY want to go into large amounts of detail about how sexy they are.
  • NC-18 - Parental Advisory Warning - This is for people who specifically want to go into vivid detail about how sexy one another is, often contains graphic depictions of how sexy they can be with eachother.
  • O-Union/Confed - This is the primary OOC Faction channel. Often used to discuss how sexy the new people are. This channel is also used to complain about the lack of 'RP', which I assume is some sort of food.
  • Public - This is like a less graphic version of NC-18.
  • RP - This is for characters that want to meet up with one another for the purpose of discussing their sexiness in matters not over the radio.
  • Spoilers - Spoiler: Kagome looks hot in a skirt.
  • Union/Confed-IC - This is the "tactical" band for both faction, often used for screaming attack names as loud as you can, usually followed by a catch phrase. I created my own, "AGENT PSYBER! LAUNCH ALL FORWARD THRUSTERS! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON'T PAAAAAAAAAAAANIC!"
  • X-Union/Confed-Chatter - This is the general discussion channel for either faction, and people within a faction can often be heard talking to one another about how sexy they are, or making a general allusion as to such. These are not single line discussions, either. The residents of this land can talk about themselves for hours on end. When a person is not talking about how attractive they themselves are, they are likely to be talking about how attractive someone else is. Also frequently audible is a fairly large amount of bickering and snide remarks amongst people. These tend to boost morale.

Cross-Reference

With all these characters from various races and cultures with their multilinquial properties, you may wonder how they all communicate. Most people chalk this up to something called 'Multiversal Translation', however, we at the Guide have a different theory. Please note the following entry on the Babel Fish:

The Babel fish is a small, yellow parasite. A curious two-year-old made a rather interesting discovery about it. Upon jamming one in your ear, the fish will feed on local brainwaves of those around the host, using as nourishment all but the waves of the host themself. What does this mean? Put simply, stick the fish in your ear and you can understand any language.

Now it is the firm belief of the Guide that, upon 'Unionization'(the term used to describe joining the Multiverse) all people fall through a transdimensional lake, filled with these Babel Fish, and that one manages to get lodged in their ear every time.

Government

The governmental system of the Multiverse is organized into two opposing factions, the Union and the Confederacy. These governments are organized into a lose miliary system with ranks and occupations. In theory, the higher ranking officers should give orders and the lower ranking members should follow these orders. However, in practice, a higher ranking officer will give an order and the lower ranks will then bicker about how best to complete this order before they all just toddle off and do what catches their fancy. THis led the Guide to believe that both governments were modeled VERY closely after real military organizations.

However, the most important entry we can offer you is to stress the importance of bringing a towel with you to this strange land. A towel can easily be used to dry the saliva off of you after someone screams an attack name at you particularly rough, or it can be used to cover yourself when your clothes get burned off for the umpteenth time in a fanservice scene. A towel is your best friend and your greatest asset in the multiverse, and by the laws of physics in their own world, COULD help shield you from a large-scale nuclear blast.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I hope every enjoyed my little endeavor on an OOC note. This was not meant to hurt feelings, kick puppies, offend people, offend feelings, kick people, hurt puppies, kick feelings or any other combination of those six words. I wrote this in a couple hours, mainly out of boredom and something to do between poses as I sat around. I honestly hope everyone can enjoy the joke and be able to laugh at themselves a little. If you really have more suggestions for Topics I can write about, feel free to @mail Psyber in game.

-Love Always,
Psyber

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